How to challenge elders’ decisions?

“No, the elders are right.”

“Do not question the elder’s decision.”

“You should follow what the elders say.”

You often listen to these statements from parents, right?

We always have been taught to respect every decision of elders and never challenge them.

But as we grow, we make our choices and opinions. We like to take charge of the element in which we are good. Our thoughts change, and we believe in joint leadership.

We are always in a dilemma whether to listen to our elder’s decisions or challenge their rigid and non-flexible nature. We desire that our elders hear and value our thoughts too. This dilemma can be a career choice, choosing a partner, following a passion or any ritual not okay for you and the family.

But before discussing the ways, Let’s redirect the question.

It is not about the elder or younger. It is about, “Should we be challenging someone who’s not right for a family?” 

“Should we challenge someone who’s not right for you and the ecosystem?”

If the answer is “Yes”.

Then, we should do it regardless of who the person is. Yes, we would do it with utter sensitivity. It might clear your dilemma of whether to challenge a person or not.

Now the question for all of us are

“What is the correct and sensible way of challenging elders’ decisions?”


“Three ways to communicate difficult elders”

1. Openupfor communication.

Approach the elders, tell them how you feel about the particular thing and let them open up. Listen to their side, and then put your point on the table. Try to ask those questions which solicit yes.

2. Be assertive, not arrogant.

Control your emotions while addressing the issue because sometimes we can’t control it, and it becomes disrespectful to the elder.

3. It’s about family, not only for you.

Do not present your opinion as it is for you only. It should be about how it can be beneficial for all family members.

And some personal points for you to check whether you are right to object or not.

1. Your motive

2. Do you know the right way to do it?

3. Is it the right timing to ask for the change? Check these things before approaching the elders. Always remember superiority demands respect.

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