Sure it’s a common concern for both parents and teachers. Let us begin to understand what is a lie? The dictionary defines ‘lie’ as ‘an assertion that is believed to be false, typically used with the purpose of deceiving someone.’ If we go by the definition then we must try and find out the WHY behind it.

I am sure you will agree that ‘Nothing happens without a reason.’ So if that’s true, there would be reasons behind lying too. Sounds obvious. We feel troubled when our children lie. Of course, we don’t want our children to tell lies. It’s strange that even when we dig deep to find reasons, we aren’t able to. That’s because we perceive lying as an independent act whereas, it isn’t. We need to clear our lenses and see the right way. We need to understand that lying is a behavior that is seen and that every behavior is nothing but a result/consequence of something latent. This newfound understanding will help us look for something that is not explicit, not tangible but very much there. It’s indeed important to find out what’s behind the behavior.


It’s time to think about the (whys) behind lying. It’s time to make a shift from mere blaming and complaining to finding the reasons behind why children resort to lying.

  1. Most of us also see it as an excuse that children make to get their demands fulfilled,

2. At times to save themselves from something undesirable to them

3. To avoid a consequence.

Yes, we are right when we think so. Hence, we need to understand why they are trying to avoid – are they being selfish, are they doing it just for fun, or is it because they are feeling hurt, trying to avoid a conflict or embarrassment, is it about instant gratification, do they fear our reaction to a mistake that has been committed, is there a threat that makes them feel unsafe, is it lack of confidence and self-esteem that they are struggling with, they lack understanding of the situation or they simply want to avoid hurting us….what is it? If we go through the above possibilities again and again we will be able to gain insight about what could be the possible reason behind our children lying.

Once we find out the real (why) we might feel pained to see how we have always or often misunderstood our children. How we have failed to play the role of an experienced and understanding adult. How when we were supposed to console we wanted to be consoled. How we end up denying a helping hand and a healing touch to our children when they need it the most.

Remember! Our children need us the most when they are struggling to make sense of the world around them. We need to positively facilitate them in their exploration and assist them in being confident beings overflowing with love for themselves and others.

As parents and teachers, we should be mindful and cautious in our endeavors to nurture and build our children. Let’s begin by opening our arms and give our children a hearty acceptance,


  1. Kavita

    Feel blessed and so grateful Dr Neetiji maam for sharing your personal experience to make a parent understand to be their child’s best friend whenever they need.

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