Don’t Compare the children

Would you like it if your child asked you- why aren’t you as beautiful as Sharma aunty or why aren’t you as successful and popular as Amitabh Bachchan?

I am sure the answer would be a NO. I am sure you enjoy the unconditional love of your children where you are the best and you are their HEROES AND SHEROES.

The reason is simple and i.e. as humans, we are designed unique and have a deep desire to be loved and appreciated for our uniqueness. We all love to be hopeful and happy. We wish to trust the fact that we are limitless, that there are abundant possibilities, we like to be confident, we seek acceptance and believe that we are capable.

Do we often ask such hurtful questions to our children or put them in a situation where their individuality is threatened rather than nurtured. Questions and situations like – Why can’t you be like your brother? Why can’t you study as much as Rahul? Why aren’t you as disciplined and courteous as Rhea? Why aren’t you intelligent like Abhinaw? Why don’t you win positions in tournaments? I wish you were as tall as and fair as Teena. I wish you could become a great singer or mathematician. And the list is…….endless. Time to STOP, THINK and REFLECT. This is beautifully explained in one of the video in #nittygrittywithdrneetikaushik

If yes, please understand that unintentionally we are doing more harm than good to those whom we love the most i.e. our children who completely depend on us to learn about themselves and the world they are into. Our words and attitudes have the capacity to make or break their, self-image and ruin their self-esteem and self-confidence for life. Our words, spoken carelessly leave indelible marks of hurt and pain, impacts our children in their growing up years and finally as adults. They might grow up with low sense of worth and low confidence in their abilities; they might always doubt themselves while facing challenges and taking decisions; they could develop poor social skills and be hesitant to express themselves and participate; The need to always prove themselves and please the other can lead to high stress and anxiety levels. These aspects are enough to mar each and every other aspect in their life that could otherwise be filled with exuberance, be it personal, professional, social or psychological etc; this also causes resentment towards that parent, sibling, friend etc and hampers healthy existence and interaction.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Never compare as what is important is to acknowledge and nurture the child based on his/her uniqueness. By comparing we try to make a copy of the one that exists ignoring and losing out the uniquely designed individual that is meant to be more. It’s asking Apple to be like mango rather than cherishing the individual qualities, taste, and nourishment received from each fruit separately. The decision is ours whether help our children bloom to their best and true selves or create broken copies of the other. Let us stop hurting them rather motivate them in a responsible and positive manner to be their best and the only competition.

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